Friends,
By June 25th, 2015 I will be officially out of a job. It is a scary thing to think about, so I try not to. What am I going to do with my time? And, what about money? My main concern is that my boyfriend may not like the fact that I am home all of the time. My plans are to take advantage of this non-working time and really think about what kind of people I want to surround myself every day.
I have tried to do the right thing and hold down a steady, well paid job with benefits such as medical, paid holiday and vacations. But, it makes me miserable. I know that I am not alone with that feeling, but feel like I am more dramatic about it than most. Why is is it I cannot just accept the fact that I need to work to survive? It is like I have that "normal person in society" chip missing from my brain/emotions/outlook.
Most people when they were kids had an idea of what they wanted to be when they grew up. I never once had a valid idea. The only thing I can remember is saying I wanted to be a pediatrician when I grow up. And, that was right after I saw my pediatrician and he gave me a lollipop. The atmosphere in the office seemed so pleasant and happy, the staff and the office as a whole. Along with being given a lollipop stating that I was a good girl and a relaxed environment I blurted out that I wanted to be a pediatrician. We left and I knew I had just lied. That was not true.
Having just turned 38 and having tried out many different industries, geotechnical engineering, exploration oil and gas, civil service and the arts, i still do not have an inkling of what I want to do with the rest of my life. Sometimes I think I am too damn smart and therefore I get bored very easily. But, I also sometimes think the opposite I am too damn stupid and quite lazy and therefore I do not try. Is it my self esteem? Is it that I cannot see things through? Do I have a drinking problem?
With the help of my boyfriend providing me with a place for my two cats and i to live for free, I for the first time do not have to get out there immediately and work. That is a very calming feeling for me. My soon to be ex boss said that I am a career woman and that with what I am very good at it is not possible for me to advance at my current place of employment. She has been trying to push me out of the door for over a year now. In fact, i wanted to leave after the first month but stayed because it was a real job for which the company was paying me. I had my own private office with windows and a door and that was amazing to me! Never before had I had that. In my world up until then, you had to be a high leveled manager or executive to reap that benefit. I am perfectly capable of being extroverted and working with people, but the truth is I just want to be on my own and totally left alone. With my own office, I could be in that position.
So, with that said I owe you more of my background an an explanation of why I am where I am.
Next post...Ta
